For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mothers womb.
WHO AM I?
How many times have you asked yourself this question? How many times have you broke down without any idea of where your going and what your suppose to be doing in life? How long have you struggled with your Identity? Let me tell you, for the last few years my Identity has been the only thing on my mind. Who am I? What did God create me for? What am I suppose to do for the kingdom of God?
Can I just tell you, I suffer from Anxiety. It takes form in different ways to try and take over my life. I can remember a time when I was unable to leave my house. For six months the closest I came to being outside, was in my garage. That was a very sad time in my life. I thought it was going to break me. I was constantly thinking down on myself. Feeling like everyone was looking at me as if I was crazy or weak. I felt weak. I felt lost. I didn’t understand how this happened? I almost settled into this mindset of “Well, I guess this will be my life.” Then one day, I got up, got dressed and decided “Today, I’m conquering this. Today, I’m going to head down a different path.” It wasn’t easy. I had to wake up everyday with the decision that I was going to progress and know that in the end I would win. You could say, I made up my mind! There were days that would come that would make it especially hard for me to make that decision. In the form of a family member who just didn’t understand how I became afraid. They would try to intimidate me, pep talk me, put me down, run me over. They finally gave up. I’m very hard headed. I have to do things my own way at my own time.
I started small. I walked to the door and put my hand on the door knob. Panic filled me. Even though I wasn’t even close to going outside. My heart began to race. My palms got sweaty. My thoughts were racing 100 miles a minute. I sent my brain into overload with the decision I was about to make. I was trying my very best to trust God. As fear was knocking on my door, my heart was crying out for God to take it. I closed my eyes and I submitted that moment to God. I wasn’t able to turn the entire fear over to Him. But I was able to submit that moment of fear to Him. Little by little that mountain began to fall down. It started to crumble beneath my feet. Each moment that I surrendered to God, He took a little more of that fear away. One day I opened the door and just shut it back. I did that quite a few times before I got the nerve to actually step outside. Can I just tell you, when I finally stepped outside it was nothing like I thought it was going to be. Though I was scared, the joy of standing there with the sun wrapped around my face and the cool fall breeze was something off of a beautiful love story. (I so wish I could pick my life background music, “Eye of the Tiger”) While fear was present and trying so very hard to suck me back in, it just wasn’t possible. The feeling of freedom felt to good.
I want you to know that sometimes were just not able to surrender it all to God all at once. For some people, they can and that’s a beautiful thing. But for others, it takes time to be healed. It takes Gods grace and His faithfulness to show us “Hey, I’m not moving. I’m in this for the long haul. I know your scared. I’ve got you. Just start letting go.” Sometimes all you have to do, is surrender that moment to God. That moment is all it takes to move mountains. To split waters. To turn water into wine. To heal the blind and so on. Those small moments we hand over to God in submission He makes sure He makes good use of that time with Him. In those moments God is filling your heart with more treasure than you can ever imagine. Those are the moments where you finally understand “Peace that surpasses all understanding.”
Fear has a way of taking who we are and shaping it into who it wants us to be. Fear is a dictator. Fear is relentless. Fear is torment. Fear is a lot of things. But fear, is not you.
God did not create you to fear.
WHO GOD SAYS YOU ARE TO HIM!
- You are justified through Grace, (Romans 3:24)
- You are loved (John 3:16)
- You are united with God through the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:17)
- You are a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- You are the work of His hands (Ephesians 2:10)
- You are 100% forgiven (1 John 1:9)
- You are spiritually alive (Ephesians 2:5)
- You are a citizen of Heaven (Philippians 3:20)
And the list goes on and on! You are many things to God. You are chosen and loved. You are His heart walking around here on earth. Let God show you who you are through His spirit inside you! I know through life, circumstances have shaped the way you think and feel about God, about fear, about “the cards you’ve been dealt”. I know fear has a way of making you really believe what it’s saying. It’s deceitful like that. It can steal your joy, your peace, your love, your desires and your passions. It can make your dreams feel like a thing of the past while it steals every part of your present.
But the Joy of the Lord is your strength. Though everything may come crumbling down on you, keep looking up. Never look away or get distracted. Those are just hurdles that you were never meant to jump without the Power of God inside you pushing you forward.
The hardest part about facing fear, is getting still. When you are naturally a melancholic person you tend to naturally think downward thoughts. Your genetically, fearfully and wonderfully made this way. But, there is beauty in those melancholic moments. When God leans down from on High and lifts you out, words can’t describe it. Getting still, getting quite and just listening and waiting patiently for God to just be there, is hard. You are flooded with emotions and feelings that you can’t pin down and turn them away. Your trying to lead those thoughts into captivity, but every time you do another one comes along that seems to justify the first thought. The devil is great at making you confused. It’s his middle name. He’s out for one thing. Revenge. Don’t take it personally. He’s not after you. He’s after whose inside you. He’s angry that God kicked him out of Heaven. He’s doing everything he can to sabotage your relationship with God. Don’t let him.
Don’t let him take another thing from you. Don’t let him steal another second of your life and your walk with Jesus. Start regaining your ground. God gave you the power. God gave you a sound mind and God gave you Love. We all know what Love can do, Right! Love covers a multitude of sins. Love opens doors and restores relationships. Love brings closure and forgiveness. Love changes people. Love is one of the greatest gifts the Holy Spirit has ever given us. We Love, because He first Loved us. So He teaches us how to put that Love in motion.
Once you realize WHO you are in Jesus, your life will never be the same again. The way you think about things will change. The way you see things will change. You will begin to offer grace where you once held judgement. You will begin to let go of things instead of hanging onto what’s killing you. God tells you who you are to Him all throughout the bible. You just have to take the time to read it so He can talk to you through it.
So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
Faith is another word for Trust!
Faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something. Synonyms; trust, belief, confidence, conviction
These things are every thing the devil is trying to steal from you through intimidation. Fear is his means. Look for them. Recognize them and fight them with scripture and trust, belief, confidence and conviction! Stay true to what you believe and what you know is the Truth. God is with you. He promised to never leave you nor forsake you. If times are hard, ask God what you can learn from it or what He wants you to do out of it. Walk by faith through it. Don’t let fear overcome you and drown out what God has joined together inside you. You to himself through His Holy Spirit!