I can still remember the day I gave my heart to Jesus. I was sitting at the back of the revival my uncle was holding in Harlan Kentucky out of a gymnasium. I wasn’t sure where I stood with Jesus. My life wasn’t exactly what I thought it should be. I figured I had better get myself together before trying to go and ask Him if I could be apart of His world. As I sat there listening to my uncle talk about the love of God and who Jesus was I kept feeling this tug on my heart. Pulling me forward. It was like someone you don’t know but you really want to know calling you to come over and sit with them but you don’t feel worthy enough, so you hesitate. In your mind your thinking “Just wait, they’ll change their mind.”
I waited and waited. I refused to be the first one up for altar call. I kept thinking “I’m gonna look so stupid. These people need Him more than I do.” I mean that in a way that these people had real problems. Real needs and mine didn’t feel as important. God kept calling me though. He kept tugging at my heart and so finally right before my uncle began to pray and after he told everyone to bow their heads, I made my way to the front. I was so nervous. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I felt like I didn’t belong but I wanted to be there. Very quietly got on my knees and bowed my head. My uncle walked by each person praying for them. He laid his right hand on each ones head as he prayed over them. When he got to me I almost ran away. But before I could lift myself up he touched my head. My eyes shut and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
A bright light illuminated the background and there He was. Jesus, front and center. Arms stretched as far as the east is from the west. He had the biggest smile across his face and He was looking at me. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. At first I jumped back. I wasn’t sure if I had actually just saw that or not. I looked up at my uncle and I wanted to tell him. I wanted to stop him and tell him what I had just seen. But, I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. I was in that awe-struck moment of “Did Jesus just show himself to me? Why did He show himself to me? I’m nothing and worthless, my sins abound me. ” From that moment, I fell head over heels in love with God. I dug into His word every chance I got. I prayed and talked to Him all the time. In fact if you ask around people will tell you, I made my coffee every morning and invited Jesus to have some with me. We sat at my dinning room table and had amazing conversations to start my day.
Anytime I was in my car alone, I would clear my passenger side seat and ask Him to ride with me. I needed time to talk to Him. And you know what, He showed up every single time. Those years I spent with Him, those quiet moments that’s just between the two of us I hold very dear to my heart. It is those moments that get me through days like today. When depression seems to overwhelm me and I’m trying to fight just to breath. I didn’t always have to fight this hard with depression. In fact, I never understood why people didn’t “Just except” God and His promises and move on. It was so simple after all. He said He would fix it and He will. Let’s focus on something else. But, that was before I went through the hardest trial of my life.
Depression comes in many different shapes and forms. But, it only has one agenda. Steal, Kill and destroy. My depression lies to me daily with things like…..
- He doesn’t love you anymore.
- You were never worth loving, he just pretended with you
- He’s forgotten you, why else are you still stuck here
- You’re never going to get out of this
- Life is never going to get any better
- You’re going crazy
- He’s going to get tired of dealing with your mess
- You’re going to lose everything if you don’t get it together
My depression tells me all sorts of lies. But the one that get’s me the most, is my need to be or at least appear to be, in control. If I let go, will He catch me? If I feel fear will it kill me this time? If I don’t do things a certain way, then something bad will happen. These thought patterns are brand new. I didn’t always think this way. I didn’t always feel this way. These are called STRONGHOLDS. Strongholds are formed by lies implanted into your mind by the devil and he’s just waiting for you to believe them. When you begin to believe those lies they set up shop and become strongholds. Fortresses with the soul purpose of holding you captive and keeping you from realizing just exactly WHO you are.
It’s taken me a few years to get to this point. For so long I didn’t think I would make it to the next minute. Much-less the next day. But, here I am. Four years later and I am still sitting here breathing. It’s easy to get lost in your problems if that’s all you’re looking at. Once you allow your attention to be taken from Jesus the devil will try his best to devour you and if you’re not careful, he will. You are the prey and he’s on the prowl.
Can I just tell you though, you don’t have to stay where you are. You don’t have to stay stuck in this train wreck that’s been your life for so long. You can have peace, joy and love. You can have every promise of the bible because it’s for you. Jesus died to give you that. All you need is just a little FAITH! I know that feels like something you can’t give right now. Because you’ve been down so long having faith in anything feels impossible. Your afraid to believe because if you believe and it doesn’t happen then you got your hopes up for nothing. Let me tell you what Faith does for you.
“Fear can keep you up all night, but FAITH makes a mighty fine pillow.“
I can’t tell you how many nights of sleep I’ve lost sitting up in fear. Fear of things that will never happen. Fear of things that have happened and have already passed me by. I’m weary because of that fear. Faith though, faith has made life easy. It has made life possible. It has made life worth living. It has made life pleasurable and I’ve been able to be content in the hardest of situations because of faith. Faith is the key that unlocks the blessings of God all over you life.
For the next 30 days I’ve decided to study two things. Faith and Jesus! These two things walk hand in hand.
Jesus said: “I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.
I don’t know about you, but I want that. I want to be completely content in every situation. I want to look up and see Jesus and just know way down deep in my soul that God has everything under control. I want my heart to sing to Jesus when I rise and praise Him when I close my eyes. I want everything about my life to signify that He is in me and I am in Him. I want to walk fearlessly through this life with faith that can shake mountains and remove them. I want my ears to hear and my heart to feel. I want Jesus!
So if you would like to take this journey with me for the next 30 days, subscribe to my blog and you’ll get email updates as I post them. This should be an interesting journey and I’m excited to take it. I know God can tear down any stronghold the devil tries to build up. I know God can heal and change any heart and I’m counting on that. Until then God bless and have a great night! See ya tomorrow!