Depression

The Abyss of Depression

For those who live within the limits of anxiety and depression it can send you into a bottomless pit and when it’s done with you, you beg for death. The walls are built with confusion, anger, resentment, discontented and discouragement. The abyss of depression can feel like nothing, but everything all at once. Your emotions become you in an instance and life can feel to hard to deal with. Your brain is on sensory overload and the pain, the sting of death is knocking at your door. All you have to do, is open it.

Death feels like the answer

Depression can make you feel worthless, numb and exhausted. Each day you wake up to the same story that plays over and over in your mind. Life will never get any better. You’ll never write that book. You’ll never travel to that place you’ve dreamed of. Happiness is just not in your cards. Lady luck, is just not your color. Thoughts of hopelessness send you into a one way thinking pattern. It’s to hard God, I can’t do this anymore. I want outThis isn’t what I signed up for when I gave my heart to you. What happened? Why have you let the sky cave in on me all of a sudden? Why are my prayers being hindered? Why have you left me here to live this way? Silence. The most devastating sound a Christian with anxiety can hear.

Death knocks at the door. “You know there’s a way to get out of this.” You ears perk although your soul shivers because you know that’s not the voice you should be listening to. But, you give way to it. You hear him out. “All can be finished and done. No more pain, no more anguish. No more loneliness. No more wondering.” These thoughts roll around in your head until you start to believe them. It’s the only hope you’ve been able to hold onto in years. The promise of no more. You contemplate how and when. Death presents itself with a beautiful picture. Your finally at rest. No more to worry about or care about. No more agonizing over the bills getting paid. No more hating yourself. No more feeling broken or lost. No more confusion about the purpose of your life. It’s done.

The LIGHT

It’s not easy stepping from the darkness to the light. Especially when your walking out of bondage. Don’t think for one second that the devil isn’t going to fight you for the legal ground you gave him. So, when the day comes and your ready to make that decision to make Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior, just know you’re in for a fight. Jesus is and will always protect you. He will never leave you, nor forsake you! That’s a promise you can take to the Bank of God and cash in at any given moment and the funds will always be available.

Here’s the deal. Walking out of the abyss of depression or anxiety is going to take time. When I was knee-deep in the middle of my anxiety, when my body and mind were feeling it the most I got some amazing words of wisdom from my pastor! He said “You didn’t get there over night and you’re not getting out of it over night”. It took years to get you where you are. You didn’t wake up and stumble onto your anxiety.

What if I told you circumstances didn’t put you there, your perception did? 99% of everything we do is based on what we believe.  This isn’t to say you’re in control of what happens to you, but rather what happens inside you. It’s been a very long and hard road getting here for me and accepting this truth wasn’t easy. I am about as stubborn as it gets when I’ve got my mind made up on something. So taking accountability for accepting the anxiety when I didn’t have to, was not easy. And neither has walking out of it been.

Somehow, someway, something has happened to you and you’ve ended up here. God does not want you stuck here in this place. He does not want to see you restless, anxious and scared. He doesn’t like seeing His daughter/son upset and so broken. He desires for you to come to Him and trust in Him to be everything He promises He is!

  • Your Provider
  • Your leader
  • Your king
  • Your comfort
  • Your caregiver
  • Your reward
  • Your shepherd
  • Your restorer
  • Your hope
  • Your helper
  • YOUR CONFIDENCE

The list of who God is can go on and on! You fill in the blanks of who God has been to you and who He is to you now! Remember back to the times when everything felt good and was good! When it wasn’t hard for you to breathe. Remember the times God blessed you and brought you out of a barren land, whatever that land was. A bad relationship. A broken home. Finances. Strongholds.

Faith is Believing even when the devil has his foot on your throat! Faith is sometimes tears falling down your face and bruised knees. Faith is sometimes pacing the floors at 3am going to war over your strongholds. Faith doesn’t look any certain way other than belief and love!

silhouette of man touching woman against sunset sky
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Perfect LOVE casts out FEAR

Perfect love! What does perfect love look like to you? For me, perfect love means I will always be able to approach Him. The door is never shut and what I’m feeling is never wrong. It means hard times may come but His protection is everlasting and His hugs never run out. Perfect love is trusting in who you love to be everything they promised you they would be. God promises to walk through the flames with you. He promises to take care of you and comfort you. He promises to hold you up when you have no strength left of your own. He promises to always make a way when it looks like there’s not. Perfectly loving God just simply means, trusting God!

God bless!

 

 

 

 

 

Depression

Motivation Monday-Steps to moving forward through the trials.

pexels-photo-618612.jpegNow faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

 

I recently made a decision to work from home. Leaving my children just wasn’t an option for me and a friend of mine gave me an amazing opportunity that I will be forever grateful for! The women I get to share my life with on a daily basis have provided me with more support and confidence than I’ve gotten in all the years I’ve been alive! I get to share my climb to the top with them and God couldn’t have placed me with any better people. But go figure, it was right under my nose for a long time but I kept pushing it away.

Side Note: If your looking to get fit or just follow a healthier lifestyle, follow this link and purchase the most amazing products to help you acheive it!

Moving forward, I want to share with you a little motto they’ve given me to live my life by:

  1. See it- “Vision”
  2. Believe it- “Faith”
  3. Pray about it- “Petition”
  4. Work for it- “Action”

Each one of these are beginning to have a major impact on my outlook on life! It’s shaping and changing the way I think which in turn, changes the way I feel! Who knew that your thoughts could literally change everything about you? Oh yeah, God did! That’s why he told us in Proverbs 23:7

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he…”

It’s pretty amazing the way we allow what were thinking about to completely shift our feelings. We can feel angry, sad, apprehension. We can feel depressed and overwhelmed. We sometimes allow our feelings to dictate our relationship with God, or our lack thereof. Which is a shame because the bible tells us that God never changes and His grace comes brand new every morning!

Write these words down some where! Keep them with you. Put them on your refrigerator or on the mirror in your bathroom. But try to remember those four steps I said above.

What does SEE IT-mean?

Well, before God created the Heavens and the earth, He had you in mind! Isn’t that wonderful. God thoughts about you. He chose the color of your hair and what color eyes would best suit you. He chose the color of your skin and how tall you would become! Do you really think He didn’t put more thought into your kingdom work? Of course He’s thought about that! He laid out a perfect plan for your life and He gave you a vision of that life even while you were still young!

Take my life for example! Even as a little girl when I was alone in my room I would line all my stuffed animals up along the floor. I would gather any papers I could find or that my parents didn’t need and use them for my teaching material! I held class everyday! I even checked attendance! 😉 Even as a little girl I knew I wanted to teach people. Though I wasn’t good at school. Math, I still have a hard time with. Science was never my thing and I just couldn’t get into it. I did like social studies but not enough to really dive into it. Reading, writing, Language arts! YES! I’ll take that all day long! I enjoyed very much diving into a new book and in my mind pretending to be the character in the book. Living out the dreams of these fictional characters in the safety of my own home.

As I grew older and after I had children of my own the longing to teach was still there. Except now, I knew what and where I wanted to teach! I wanted to teach God’s word to people. I wanted to bring the love of Christ to anyone who would listen! That same dream, is still right there inside my heart! That’s God’s promise to me that He does have a future for me, if only I will follow after Him!

So, think long and hard about what you feel passionate about doing. Maybe you tell yourself things like, it’s just not going to happen for me. I’m not good enough. No one will listen. I don’t have the time. Whatever the case may be, don’t listen to those thoughts. It’s not about those distractions. It’s about the purpose sitting right in your heart and it’s waiting to be unleashed. So, open up to it and watch what God does!

The next one is,

Believe It- “Faith”

I know in the world we live in today it’s hard to remember to have faith. Especially when we can so easily fix things on our own. Right!? Except, we never really do fix things on our own. We only end up making things worse. That’s usually what would happen to me when I tried to step in without consulting God on the matter or when I didn’t feel led to step in. Things just progressively would get worse and worse.

I’ve had to learn the hard way, what faith really means. See, for me I thought having faith was simple and easy! I believe. I trust. I’m in His hands. What else is there, right? Well that couldn’t be further from the truth. I never thought God would allow things to happen to me. I guess I thought once Jesus died on the cross He wouldn’t put us through those kinds of things anymore. Except, we need those tests. More than we realize we do! How else will we learn to walk with our faith legs or run with them if we don’t ever use them.

Sometimes I don’t think I’ll make it through. Other times I feel like I’m sailing through! That’s the amazing thing about faith! All you need is a mustard seed to get you started. God will guide you the rest of the way! Just like the vision in your heart that God planted there like the perfect little gift that it is. He loves when we realize we are passionate about Him or whatever that gift may be! Listen having faith in God, is simply loving Him enough to say-“I trust you! It’s hard because so many things have happened, but I trust you and I’m going to give it to you to handle.” It’s trusting God even when the outcome isn’t what you expect. Because let’s face it, sometimes we get those bad reports or we go through traumatic things that we’ll never understand.

Trusting God does get easier! All you have to do is guard your heart! Trust His Holy Spirit whose dwelling inside you to lead you on the straight and narrow path! Get quiet, get still and just listen!

Pray about it- “Petition”

Okay, this one sounds pretty easy right. But, there’s actually a few points I’d like to cover here.

First, know God’s word! Very important! Know His word and know how to wield it when in battle, (prayer). This goes hand in hand with faith. The devil knows what you’re asking your heavenly father for. He even has the audacity to speak to you when you petitioning God through prayer. But listen, the key to this is KNOWING WHO YOU BELONG TO! That’s very important. You have to know that you are a child of God’s and don’t let (allow) the devil to sway your mind with deceitful thoughts.

Get in your prayer closet, shut the door and begin presenting your requests to God! Tell Him what you need done and what you would like to see in your life. Ask Him to step in and help you with that. Petition is so important. You never want to just act on something without first having God’s consent. So make sure you lay it at His feet and ask Him to move the mountains standing before you. Or to open the doors you can’t. Or maybe close a few doors you just don’t have the strength to do on your own.

Work for it- “Action”

There’s no demon in Hell strong enough to stand against you once you’ve followed all the steps above. If God has opened that door for you, run through it. If He has closed it, run from it! You have a purpose, a plan and now you have to put action behind it! Start taking steps to whatever it is you’ve been presenting your requests to God about. Don’t worry about the things you can’t do or control. That’s where God comes in and moves mountains. That’s where God get’s to show you that He is loving you, listening to you and making a way for you! So again I’ll say, if God has opened a brand new door for you, RUN through it joyfully! Because He’s opened it for a reason and sometimes it’s just a season. But don’t you know, that season will produce so much fruit if you just keep the faith!

These are your steps back to Jesus! These are you ways to open up the lines of communication and bring forth new life in your life! Breath life on yourself. Block out the distractions and run from anything that takes you away from the Hope you have in Jesus!

God bless y’all!

Depression, faith/fear

Severing Ties and practicing Perception verses Faith and what that does to your mental health.

Ironically, the hardest thing anyone can do is sever the ties that inadvertently destroy us from within. So much of what we know is what we’ve grown up with and what’s happened to us. It’s not from sitting in a class room doing material work learning how to cross our T’s and dot our I’s. These things make us intelligent obviously and help us navigate our way through a working world. But what about our personal lives? What about the moments we spend in silence with just ourselves ruminating over the conversation we just had with our boss? So much of who we are is made up by our perception of our circumstances and the things we’ve encountered in this life.

Perception:

Isn’t it crazy how we live 95% of our lives off our own perception and encounters throughout our lives on this earth? We look at a situation and judge by the outward appearance of a person and their actions without ever getting to know their “Why”. We write them off as if they aren’t worth our time or our effort to consider maybe this person needs me more than they know. Or we walk through a trail or trauma by our own understanding and we keep falling down but we don’t understand why.

  • What are some areas of your life that you walk in your own understanding?

I get it, it’s not easy to let go and just give things to God. I know severing ties with people or jobs or personal things can be very difficult for some people to do. You’ve protected this area of your life for a very long time. So handing it over is much like handing over your child, there has to be trust there.

TRUST

Because I went through something I thought was very traumatic and held onto it, it’s caused so much pain and grief in my life and in my marriage as well as my relationship with Jesus. Which is why I thought I’d write an article about this. Because if I’m going through something like this, then surely there are others out there who are doing or have done the same thing.

Walked in their own perception verses walking in faith

Maybe it’s time to let go and trust that God is who He says He is. I know everything around you may look bleak as if it’s never going to get any better. The walls feel like there closing in on you and the opportunities seem to be closing the doors on you. But look what holding on to your pain has done to your health. I’ll use my own for examples.

(Walking in) Fear-Anxiety-Depression:

  • The massive amounts of hair I lost. My hair fell out by the droves. The shower, when I got out, around the house. I was going bald, but it had nothing to do with genetics.
  • Pain in my neck and back constantly/daily. I would walk around constantly rubbing my neck. I had no idea the pain was coming from the constant stress of my thoughts.
  • A lump in my throat. This lump in my throat was my companion for almost a year. I would wake up and it was there, go to sleep and it was there. I was afraid to eat because I was affraid I would choke. It literally felt like I was holding a bowling ball in my throat at all times of the day. Which, only made my anxiety even worse.
  • The constant pressure on my head. Put a band on your head and walk around wearing it for a week. Wear it in the shower, to work, to bed, everywhere. Then take it off and even then I’m not sure you can understand the unrelenting feeling of your head feeling like it’s going to pop off at any second. This caused my anxiety to become even worse because I thought I blasphemed and now God was blocking me from being able to talk to him. Sounds unreasonable and crazy huh. Not the to the person walking through it when you are filled with fear that your about to lose or have already lost the only that ever held you together when the world kicked you around.
  • Pain in my joints. My ankle and heal still hurt to walk on till this day. My knees pop and I can’t sit a certain way or I’m limping for the next five minutes trying to get the pain to go away.
  • gastrointestinal problems-I’m just going to leave this one here and not get into the personal issues this caused me. Let’s just say, having a baby doesn’t compare. I should know, I’ve had four!
  • No sex drive. :{ DID SHE JUST SAY NO SEX DRIVE???? Yes ma’am/sir I did. Because I was so into what my problems were and feeling so anxious and scared constantly I had no sex drive.

This is not an exhaustive list of things that I’ve been walking through over the last few years. But, it does open your eyes a little to see that maybe you’re not the only one and just maybe someone else does understand. The point I’m also trying to make is walking by fear has its consequences and walking by faith has its perks.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

What has walking by fear done to my mental health. Above I listed the ways fear has taken its toll on me physically. Let’s talk mental!

Mentally it’s been hard trying to figure out how to navigate my way through the trenches. My mind became a breeding ground for unwanted and untreasured thoughts. Maybe that’s how you feel. Tell me some steps you’ve taken to pull yourself out? Because everyone’s pain is different, their way of escape is going to look different. Remember that on your trek back to the surface out of the pit you’re in. Don’t look at someone elses life and think “Why are they doing better than me?” Getting through your pain and to the point where you feel like you can trust God again is going to take time. He has many layers to unravel within you and sometimes, God just get’s straight to the point. Let His process be what it is because He really does know what’s best for you! Don’t let the pain of what you’re going through cause you to judge God by what you think He’s not doing.

The devil uses your pain to cause strongholds to be built up in your mind. YOU CAN NOT TEAR THESE DOWN BY YOURSELF. It takes the power of God to tear down a stronghold. But there’s a catch! YOU HAVE TO LET HIM.

To sum this up, living by your own understanding can cause you to walk right out of the blessings God has for you. It causes you to hold onto pain and resentment. Sometimes those of us who suffer with depression and anxiety live to die and die to live. Because we live by our fears instead of by our faith in who we first trusted and loved. So my advice.

GO BACK

Go back to your first love. Go back to remembering how you loved Him and the way He loves you. God back to when you first met and when He first called you into His loving arms. Remember that embrace. Remember that love. Remember that protection. Remember that He NEVER changes and He still loves you today the same way He did before you fell into the pit!

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS.

 

We can sit and dwell on the things going wrong. All that does is release cortisol into our body and stops serotonin from doing what God created it to do! We can let our pain drive us into the arms of despair and embrace the less than life. Or, we can realize that pain is just apart of life and loss is going to happen and just embrace the truth of who God is. That no matter what happens, He always turns it around for our good!

God Bless y’all!

 

Depression

Part 2: Unsettled, The Confidence Thief

If you haven’t done so go back and read Unsettled, The confidence thief Part One. It will really open your mind and help you better understand a few things. It’s written through my perspective, but use it to be a starting point in your own life.

Some of us have more strongholds than fortknox! Were locked up tight inside our insecurities, pride, injustices and pain. Somewhere along the way we molded ourselves a brand new foundation. And that’s what we live our lives by.

What are some strongholds you have that do NOT line up with God’s word?

Strongholds take many forms and it looks different for each person. Take me for example. Fear comes in many different shapes for me. I’ll name just  few here to give you some examples.

  1. Heights: I do not fly, climb on ladders or do much of anything that causes me to bring my feet any higher than 3 ft off the ground.
  2. Elevators: I am extremely claustrophobic ANNNNDD I’m a little bit of a control freak on myself. So being enclosed in an elevator is not my thing.
  3. Losing my Salvation: Scared to death I’ll lose my God because my anxiety may get out of my control and I will blaspheme.

I have so many more forms of fears in my life. Each one of the ones I listed above in no direct order has a major effect on my life and those around me. For them, I am truly sorry. I fight daily to overcome these strongholds that surround and shape the way I think, feel and act. It’s truly not who I am and it’s certainly not who I saw myself becoming when I was a child. The tagline for my page is simple, but it’s not easy.

What You Give Way To, You Give Life To 

The first time I fed my fear I gave life to it. From there it stemmed into much more than I could have ever thought. What began as a helpless little fear has now become an actual part of who I am. Take driving on the freeway for example. I used to travel all over the country doing insurance adjusting. I drove to get there and drove to get home. That required me driving on the freeway and so much more. I can’t even truly tell you when and how it began. But, as of the last 10 years, I don’t drive on the freeway anymore. It grown into something huge. I thought it would just go away. These strongholds are like barriers. There built to keep me safely tucked in my comfort and control zone. But ironically, there slowly killing me on the inside.

Don’t give up, there’s still HOPE!

Lamentations 3:20-21

I will remember them , and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: 

Through all my struggles and all my pain over the last few years there were times when I thought about ending it all. My mind felt like jello and I couldn’t hold on to anything. I wanted so badly to have the “Made-Up Mind” I had once before. But, I had no idea how to achieve it. Throughout this four years of torture and pain, I’ve had people tell me “You don’t have enough faith. You need to read your bible more. You’re at home all day with nothing to do, read your bible.” I’ve had people tell me “What sin do you have in your life.” or “Are you praying about it?” I’ve had people tell me all sorts of things. But I think what strikes and hurts the most is the simple fact I’m not the woman my husband married. I’m not his partner like I used to be. He feels disconnected from me all the time. The last four years, has changed us both. We have both fallen short in many ways. But not in one, we still love each other very much. Were just trying to figure out how to find ourselves again. With that being said, I find hope like this. When everything feels to overwhelming and I feel like I just can’t take much more. I close my eyes and I start to think. I go way back to a specific event that happened. I lose myself in what I felt in that moment. I remember what I was thinking about and if my mind had always been this way or did I truly know peace at one time. And that’s what brings me hope, because I did have peace in my life at one time. A peace that surpasses all understanding. A peace that held me together when all I wanted to do was fall apart.

You will never be any good to anyone else until you make up your mind and go with it. Run like crazy. My husband tells me “I miss us.” We’ll I miss us to. I miss the us we used to be and frankly I wish everyday that this black cloud that surrounds me would just disappear as fast as it came. But, everyday I wake up and that monkey jumps on my back. Reminding that I am depressed and there’s not much to be happy about. Except today. Today I remembered something. The reason we were who we were back then is because I knew who I was and who I belonged to. That’s where my peace of mind came from and that’s where my confidence came from. See, I put it all in Him before I ever had kids, got married or did anything with my life. Jesus was the one for me. Until the day comes when all these things lose their grip on me I don’t know if I can ever be the person he used to know and love, though I try desperately hard to be. I will say this, I am a lot closer at being who I used to be today than I was four months ago. I am finally starting to see that anxiety has stolen a lot of things from me and I’m taking them back. One step at a time.

Give way to life. Give way to joy and peace and love. Give way to happiness and give way to the Holy Spirit. Allow Him to come into your heart and transform you. Don’t ever let anything take you from the hands that created you. No fear in hell can stand against the Power Of A Made Up Mind!

God Bless Y’all!

Hope, strength

Unsettled, The confidence thief

Fear- A liar and a Thief

   Loving God has never felt so much like obedience until now, in this season of my life. But that’s okay because even in this season, there is still grace.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. I’m tired of being tired. I’m done with being afraid. I’m done being scared that everything I’ve loved will be taken from me. I’m done laying down and being walked on. I’m done being bullied.

What about you? Are you ready to kick fear out and fight for the life God desires for you to have? Are you ready to fight for the life YOU DESIRE TO HAVE? If so, stand up and let’s get to fighting!

I’ve lived so much of my life under the influence of fear.  I’ve missed so many wonderful opportunities to share God’s word with people who really needed it because I refused to fight back. I made up excuses for the anxiety attacks. Defending this horrible companion that refuses to leave even though I’ve begged on hands and knees with tears falling down my face. Compromising my beliefs and everything I’ve held dear to me because the feeling of fear, is just too much to bare.

I’ve ask myself time and time again, What did the people in the bible do when they feared?

You have your obvious stories like, David and Goliath. Yes, that’s an awesome story and there is so much to be learned from it and applied to your life daily. But, I’m talking about the kind of  fear that’s rooted so deep within that its going to take a crow bar to pry open the heavily manned walls of your heart.

Suffering from panic attacks and depression is so much more than just a chemical imbalance. It’s spiritual as well. But it’s not even that simple. When you begin to sit down and really start to think about it, doubts have been being planted in you for years. All those little lies that filled your mind over the years, are finally starting to show their roots.

Your circumstances have also contributed to fears you live with now. Maybe you were molested by someone in your family. Maybe you were beaten by your parents or an ex-boyfriend. Maybe you became pregnant young and left to take care of your child by yourself. Maybe your parents didn’t want you and left you behind. All of these were ways the devil strategically placed speed bumps in your destiny. Carefully planned out to perform his destruction on your life without you realizing that’s what was happening.

All of these things have in one way or another set up shot in your mind to grow off of that one seed of doubt planted in your mind years before. For me, anxiety is about the loss of control. But, let’s go a little deeper than that. Anxiety for me is about trust. I suffer from anxiety because I trust no one. There’s a reason I don’t trust anyone. My biological father didn’t want me as a child. When I became of age he started coming around. A few years into our relationship he disappeared and I hadn’t seen or heard from him in years. Then, I get a call saying he want’s a paternity test done because he doesn’t believe I’m his daughter.

So you can see where my trust issues begin. I was deserted by my father who until this day has wanted nothing to do with me. Not to mention the many molestations by close family members I suffered through. Another seed of doubt planted. DON’T TRUST MEN.  Trust, goes deep for me. But I am grateful, because I have Jesus to remind of who I am and who I belong to daily.  Though some days I struggle greatly I will win this race set before me. I will not give up and neither should you. You are more than just chemicals. To Him, you are everything. You are the apple of His eye, His perfect creation. He has sustained you and loved you. He has given you all that He has and He has put your enemy at your feet. Remind yourself of that. But before I go, I want to share a verse with you.

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

Peace I leave with you:

The peace Jesus is talking about here is the peace of knowing who He is. Knowing that no matter what happens He’s sticking by your side. He’s comforting you, protecting you, watching over you, loving you, blessing you, turning everything around for your good. It’s knowing in your heart that hard times are going to come. You’re not excluded from being tried or tested. You’re not excluded from the devil coming after you. But it’s remembering in those times that Jesus is still Jesus and He is going to protect you and comfort you right through it all. He gifted you His peace. Now, reach out and take it with thanksgiving in your heart!

Not as the world giveth:

We all know this world only offers temporal peace. Okay, I made the bills this month! Whew! The laundry is finally done! Yay! This kind of peace doesn’t last long because guess what, tomorrow those troubles will be right there waiting for you again. And guess what, you’ll be worrying about it before tomorrow even comes. So reach out and grab ahold of that beautiful gift of peace He gave you! Have faith in Jesus!

Let not your heart be troubled:

Wondering about things often get’s us into trouble. I know for me it has usually led me to places of depression in the past that were hard for me to return from, though I did. I wondered about why my dad left and about how I would make my next mortgage payment. I wondered if I would ever meet anyone to spend my life with. All these things troubled my heart. But, they never made me feel anxious.

Neither let it be afraid:

The fact that this verse says LET NOT, means we have control over what our hearts feel and possess. That’s absolutely nuts right! Sometimes I don’t feel like I have a whole lot of control over what I’m feeling because it feels like I’m losing my mind. But let’s be honest here, were allowing that feeling of fear to conquer us instead of leading our hearts in the right direction. Through the light of the WORD of God!

At the end of the day we need to realize fear is a liar and a thief. He’s stolen more things from you than you can even fathom. Just think, you only know of the things that show prominently on your mind. What about the life Jesus has had planned for you since before He even created you? Your leaving that behind and walking hand in hand with someone that is ultimately destroying you.

Fear comes to steal, kill and destroy. Sound familiar. That’s right. Fear is from the devil. Fear is not your comfort place. It’s not a thorn in your side. It’s not just a chemical imbalance. It’s so much more than that.

From experience, I know fear is not something you can just walk right out of. Well, sometimes you can! But for most of us, it takes time, patience and a whole lot of prayer. It takes remembering who Jesus is, trusting and believing that He will do what’s best for you. It’s going to be a fight to gain back the stolen ground in your life. You can do this. Pick yourself up even if its just by one breath at a time.

No one has ever just arrived at the top of a mountain top. They got there by taking one step at a time. They rested, ate and restored themselves because the journey was long and they knew they were in for a fight to make it to the top. The only thing that separates them from you, is a made up mind.

Don’t try to conquer the mountain all in one day. Take one step at a time. One moment at a time. One breath at a time. Figure things out as you go and look up to the Heavens because that’s where your help is coming from. One day you will wake up and you will be excited to see that the day is here. You will mount up on wings like eagles. You will run and not faint. Because you have waited on the Lord and you have been fighting the good fight of FAITH!

Depression

He survived

“Hello”

“Patrice. Does Ty have any kind of medical history I need to know about?”

“What? Why? What’s wrong?”

“Patrice, I just really need to know the answere. Does Ty have any medical problems I should know about?”

“Mom. Tell me what’s going on. What’s wrong with Ty?” I scream through the phone.

Tears begin to unleash and she begins to cry and the words she says next, I’ll never forget.

“I don’t know what’s wrong. He’s in the ambulance and he’s not breathing, I think he had a siezure. They won’t let me see him.”

I felt like my world just crumbled beneath my feet. Before I knew what was happening I flew upstairs and grabbed a few things I needed. By this time Shannon was pulling back into our driveway from going to the store. I jump in the truck to make my way to my baby. Shannon’s crying and shaking trying to get us to the hospital that is techniquely an hour away. My anxiety is now through the roof and my thoughts of despair are trying to consume me.  I think to myself. “He’s not breathing? What can I do from where I’m at.” From that point I call everyone and text everyone I know, Pray. Pray for my baby. Because I know I needed God to hear my pleas and I didn’t have time to debate with the thoughts flying through my head. I pray. “Please God breath life into his lungs like you did mine that day I died. Please God be the air in his lungs. Please Jesus steady the hands of the nurses and doctors dear Lord. Save my baby. Please don’t let him die.” From there I start giving the devil the what-for. “I gave him back to God. You can not have my son. Take your hands off my child. He is a child of Gods. He is a blood bought, born again child of Gods and you can’t have him. He shall not die, but he shall live.” Tears fall from my face. Shannon is frantically driving down the highway, dodging traffic and cars. At one point we get to stand still traffic, but that didn’t stop us he jumped on the shoulder and we drove until we couldn’t anymore. He’s crying, I’m crying. Were going through all the what-if’s in our head. Shannon says “Babe, he’s strong. He will be okay.” With tears falling down his face and his shaking hands he grabs mine to comfort me. We were all each other had in this terrible moment. We arrive at the hospital and I jump out of the truck before it stops moving. Shannon says, “Go, Go to our baby. Make sure he’s okay. I’ll be there in a minute.” I’m running to the doors but their locked. It’s the ambulance entrance and I can’t get in. I’m banging on the doors but no one hears me. I run around the hospital and finally make my way through the ER doors. I tell the receptionist, “My son was brought in from an ambulance.” The receptionist ever so patient says “What’s his name.” I give her his name and she tells me where he is. Before she finished talking I took off running around the corner. I get into the ER and scan the room. Once my eyes see my mom and my daughter I hit the ground running again. As I try to get in to see him the police and my mom try to hold me back. Mom tells the police, “This is momma. This is momma.” The officer takes my arm and says “Go see your baby.” As if I needed permission. The gates of Hell couldn’t have stopped me from getting in that room. As I’m standing there looking at my child. My helpless little baby fight for his life, our eyes met and I knew at that moment, he would be fine. I picked him up and just held him. My babies are big daddies babies so when he steps on the scene it’s all about him. Ty saw his daddy and that’s all he wanted. Shannon grabs him and holds him close and Ty just settles into his daddies arms knowing everything was going to be okay!

We still aren’t sure what happened. We still don’t have any answeres. Other than this, God is good. I could have lost my baby. I could be planning a funeral and writing a completely different post. I could be picking out his casket and laying him to rest. But God is gracious and merciful. He has given me more chances at being a mom than I can ever count. He has blessed Shannon and I with immeasurable beautiful moments with some pretty amazing kids.

 

 

Depression

Plucking the Weeds

brown fountain grass closeup photography
Photo by DapurMelodi on Pexels.com

My husband and I just spent the last month completely re-doing our backyard! We have a pool and we wanted to go tropical as well as bring a little country feel to our little oasis.  I wish I could remember the names of everything I planted but the truth is, I wasn’t called to plant flowers or tend a garden! I can take any yard and make it beautiful. But, don’t ask me to take care of it while your gone, you may come back to some dead plants. I either over water, don’t water enough or I forget to water them altogether! So my husband is in charge of seeing to our garden.  You don’t realize how important this step is until you look one day and the weeds have completely taken over your garden and there’s nothing left of your flowers. Not even the roots are any good!  If I didn’t pluck the weeds the watering wouldn’t do our garden much good.

Relationships are much like Gardening. You have to tend to them often or what you have will wither away and die. 

Like any relationship you fall head over heels in love. Your first thoughts are of that person before your feet ever hit the floor in the morning. I remember when my husband and I first met where we worked! I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I wondered what he was like. His character, his interests, his hobbies. I wondered if he would even consider a single mom with more baggage than he could imagine.  Considering I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety most all my life I wasn’t sure he would be able to handle the task. I sat and thought about things like our future and all the possibilities it would hold. I thought about where we would live, the dinners we would have, the places we would go together! In all the thoughts I had about me and my soon to be husband, I never once gave thought to the trials we might face together. I was so smitten with this man who was obvious, but a mystery to me at the same time.

postit scrabble to do todo
Photo by Breakingpic on Pexels.com

#1     READ YOUR BIBLE

The same is true with our relationship with God. There are things we need to do to keep our relationship with Him as fresh and brand new as it was the first day we turned our lives over to Him, even while we grow and mature in our walk! The first one I believe is reading your bible. You must, must, must read your bible! When you first set out on a relationship with someone, your goal is to learn as much about them as you can. Who they are and what they stand for. How do they react in certain situations or under pressure. “Are they hot heads? Will he comfort me when I’m crying and just confused about the season I’m in or will he get upset, scramble and try to fix it?”

For all you single moms out there, the questions double. I know because I was single mom and trust me the interviewing process for the prospective step dad went much deeper than the normal check. Reading your bible is a sure way of interviewing God. Your not sure yet but there’s something about Him that just makes you want to get to know more. Reading your bible teaches you who God is, what His promises to you are, what He stands for and exactly how much He loves you. His word is full of life and fulfillment! He created you and He gave man the bible to keep us from falling away! So, READ READ READ!

#2     PRAYER

I bet you knew I was going to say prayer right! Of course you did because if you’ve ever heard a sermon or read a Christian book or spoke to anyone with a like mind, their going to tell you the same thing I just did. Prayer is key to your relationship with Jesus. Prayer is you and Jesus having a conversation. Some people believe you have to get serious, bow your head and get very spiritual. While others believe you can sit right at your kitchen table with Jesus and have the best conversation ever! (I’m the girl at the kitchen table having coffee with Jesus!) I believe we need both of these types of prayers. They are both used for two very different reasons and seasons in life.

I used to wake up before my boy’s did to get my morning going. I would make coffee, start a load of laundry and grab my bible. After I poured my first cup of coffee I would sit down at my kitchen table, open my bible and get ready for some quality time with Jesus! But not before I pulled out the chair next to me and literally ask Jesus to come and sit and have coffee with me. He always showed up! When I began the conversation my eyes were wide open and my head was lifted up in the normal talking position. I looked at the chair I pulled out and I would thank Jesus for coming and we would begin. I would tell him my plans for the day and ask Him to help me

The second kind of prayer is more spiritual I think. This one is more used for casting out demons or praying over strongholds. Things of that nature! It’s just as important as the first type of praying it’s just different. This is the kind of prayer that takes boldness and knowing! This is the type of prayer where you’re standing on the battle field because your fixing to go to war!

Prayer is one of the most important parts of your relationship with God! You have to seek God out by talking to Him. Inviting Him into your life for every moment and when your truly serving Him, you want Him in every moment! The eye’s of your heart will automatically look up to Heaven for the answer instead of seeking it out yourself!

#3     WALKING BY FAITH

 

Here’s a biggee! In the times we live in today, faith takes a backseat.  There are few risk takers out there left among us. Most of us want the guarantee before we get ourselves into anything. Knowing for a certainty defeats the purpose of faith and without it, it is impossible to please God. Faith is knowing. Faith is being persuaded by the evidence presented. Faith is confidence. Faith is like having a mind set in stone. It won’t be shaken, stirred or broken. Walking through life knowing that you are not excluded from things happening gives you the confidence to know that when something does two things are going to happen.

  1. God will be with you. Deuteronomy 31:8
  2. God turns everything around to the good for those that LOVE Him. The love part is very important here. Romans 8:28

Loving God means all your fears will be cast out. No more laying in bed at night with insomnia because the bills aren’t being met or the car won’t start. It means finally knowing that although problems like these arise and sometimes even worse problems come, we know that God is going to stand beside us and turn it around to our good somehow.

Keep your heart open and your eyes locked on Jesus. Don’t stair to hard at the trials that lie ahead. Do what you can do and let God take care of the rest!

God bless!

 

 

Depression

Standing for something

Have you ever heard the saying “Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.” Well, you guessed it, that’s what this post is about! Standing for something. Last night the husband and I had a conversation about being gay/ lesbian. It’s actually a topic that comes up pretty frequently in my house. I’m not sure why other than my oldest son is insisting he doesn’t believe in God and if there is a God than he’s angry about Him sending people to Hell. So, my son uses this topic pretty frequently to argue with me about the bible and try to disprove me. I’m not sure.

Sometimes I can come off a little strong on my beliefs. I wasn’t always that way. But a few years ago I went through some stuff and it caused a lot of confusion in me. I questioned everything there was to question about God. I was angry with Him. Hurt by him. Broken and very lonely. You have to understand, I built my entire life, 33 years worth on the foundation of the bible. I believed every word of it to be true. I took every word for there literal purpose and I tried to walk my life by it. But the storm came and it just about broke everything in me. So I’ve had to dig. I’ve had to find what I believe and what I don’t. I’m searching my convictions out once again and trying to figure out where I stand on things.

It’s not easy trying to figure these things out when you live with a teenager who fights you every turn. A husband who is scared your going to say the wrong thing all the time. Sometimes I get a little scared to say anything. I feel like they look at me sometimes like I’m the big bad wolf. If they only knew my heart.

I have never been someone to judge the next person especially since my sin is just as black as theirs is. I would never just walk up to someone and say “Your going to hell because your gay. or, God hates you because your gay.” That would be cold, callous, hard-hearted, and downright mean. That’s just not my style. Neither is it my style to walk up to someone and just start talking to them about their sin. I just haven’t gotten comfortable with that and frankly I hope I never do. But, if I’m approached or asked where I stand on a certain subject, than yes, I will state my opinions and facts if I have them. Because not only was I asked but I have the right and obligation to tell the truth. But, I also know how to do it in a tactful way. The Holy Spirit leads me to do it in a way that allows Him to step in and convict that persons heart so that He may lead them down the path of righteousness. That’s what it’s all about. Letting people see Jesus in you. Speaking truth in a way that’s lead by the Holy Spirit so He can step in and bring God’s babies home.

I guess at home I’m a little more outspoken and my family hears little compassion in my voice. Maybe they need to see my heart again. I don’t know. I do know, I want my kids to respect me and know that my heart was always in the right place even if the outcome was bad. Sometimes my leading doesn’t go over to well. But in any case we all have a lot we can learn. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been a Christian or how many times you’ve read your bible. If it becomes mundane than compassion will lack in your fruit and they will see it.

At the end of they day, we all need to stand for something. Straddling the fence makes you friends for a while, but when push comes to shove their going to want you to pick a side and get on it. It’s not going to be easy. But you have to stand for something.

Depression

Love

pexels-photo-264109.jpeg

Purity in it’s truest form

 

Tonight I have a few things weighing heavy on my heart. I’ve walked all over Facebook tonight and I’ve found people I’ve known my entire life walking on others as if they have meant nothing. Debating bible verses and sins. Trying to figure out if my sin is worse than your sin or pointing out another persons sin to justify their own. It’s really heart breaking. Because these individuals have been people that I’ve looked up to my whole life. I sought after their advice and prayer over myself and my family. I put these people on pedistools and expected them to act a certain way because they were Christians. They knew God’s word inside and out. They have an amazing relationship with God. But tonight what I’ve come across on Facebook, is truly disturbing.

In the world we live in today with magazines, social media, technology advancing so fast even our children can’t keep up, it’s hard to stay focused on what matters the most. I don’t know about you, but I tend to get caught up in the world of Facebook quite often. As I look back at times past, the first thing I used to do in the morning was make coffee and read my bible and spend that time with Jesus. These days, I no longer take the time to drink coffee, I go straight to Facebook. Desiring to know whose posted what and what’s going on in the world. I can’t even function if I don’t have Facebook in the mornings. I have no idea what to do with myself. My mind starts spinning 90 to nothing trying to figure out where to go because my routine is completely shattered.

It’s time to get back to the basics of Christianity. It’s time to look and search ourselves and our relationship with God. Sometimes as Christians we become so wound tight with the rules of God that we often forget the compassion of God. So we trek all over the people who unknowingly sin against God and make them feel as though God wouldn’t give them a second look. We crawl all over their feelings and emotions without ever knowing what the real root problem is. And that’s a problem in and of itself.

So how do we fix this. Well, …..

Love

Love is the greatest commandment of all. It’s the one commandment God gave us and made no exceptions on. Why do you think that is? Because LOVE is the only thing that sets each and every one of us free. Love, covers a multitude of sins. Love releases prisoners. Love forgives. Love offers hope. Love brings peace. Love shows compassion. Love in action has the power to change a persons entire life and eternity! Love, builds bridges and closes gaps. Love, when applied correctly can have the most powerful effect on a persons heart. Isn’t that what we are ultimately looking for. A change. For our loved ones to be set free from the bondage of their minds. To finally find their way of escape through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ!

I remember when my husband and I noticed each other. I can remember sitting at my desk at work and hearing God tell me, “This will be your husband.” I shrugged it off and thought, “He’ll never give me the time of day.” I counted myself out. But, I just as quick threw that thought away. I used to walk down the hallway just to try to get him to notice me. He was playing a little hard to get! 😉 As we started dating the feelings intensified. I woke up thinking about him. I really paid attention to how I looked and what I would wear that day. Nothing to revealing but enough for him to see that I did take care of myself. The drive into work was full of excitement and nervousness. I couldn’t wait to see him, yet I was afraid. What if today he changed his mind about me. But everyday when I walked in and got settled at my desk he would come around the corner. Looking at me as if I was the only person in the whole building. The look on his face told me all the stories I would ever want to hear. I was all he wanted but never needed. It wasn’t a question if either one of us could do it alone. We had been, could and would do it if necessary. We were finally secure enough that we wanted to do this life with each other. We’d finally found someone that would love us enough and through all the darkest times of our lives.

As our relationship was held to the flame through the many trials we faced I will admit, it’s took a major hit. Sometimes I find myself reliving the past over and over in my mind. Trying to figure out what I could have done different. If I messed up to bad to fix it. I evaluate if what happened, really happened? It’s hard for a person like me to not let my thoughts run away with the distraction. Especially when it’s of high importance, like my salvation. But, that’s where trust has to come in. No one will ever understand the pain I put myself through. But it’s nice to know that I have someone I can lean on.

The point I’m trying to make in this post is simply this. Falling in love is easy, staying in love isn’t. If you don’t kindle the fire of your love, your flame will go out and the same is true for your love for Christ. The longer you stay away, the harder it is to come back. Because just as sure as when you try thoughts of guilt will be right there waiting. “He doesn’t want me anymore and I’ve messed up to bad for him to fix what I’ve done wrong. Does he even love me anymore.” Love is pure, but it’s not simple. Love means sacrificing your happiness for someone else. It means showing compassion when you can’t understand where their standing. Love means being there, when you have some other place to be. Love means saying something and keeping your word. Love means holding that person when all you want is to leave. God didn’t recommend we love each other and hope for the best. He commanded we love each other. Why? Because when we are trying to please God and were leading our lives with fearless love for Jesus we want to honor Him. So that means we MUST love and not with vengeance.

John 13:34

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you MUST love one another.

So many people don’t understand what love looks like. They don’t know how to love, how to show love, how to even participate in love. They don’t know how to put their legitimate feelings aside and just see past what that person is doing and realize there’s something more to that story. And that’s the point you want to get to. That’s the stronghold you want to break. That’s what you want to hit your knees in prayer over every time. God asked us to pray for our enemies. Why do you think that is? Because that’s when God gets to work. That’s when He takes you just a little deeper and He begins to open the eyes of your heart and show you the pain in that persons heart and just how much they really need you. They need your prayer, support, love, compassion and yes, they need your truthfulness. How else will they come to know if we withhold the truth from their ears. But there’s a difference in doing it in love and in shame.

So, I’ve made a vow. Every morning I want to wake up, make coffee and spend time with Jesus like I used to. It’s time to rededicate my heart to God and just maybe my life will follow behind. Maybe you need that to. Maybe your searching for help, your seeking to have confidence again or hope. Don’t give up. Start somewhere. Mending will happen. God has already taken the first step by giving you His son and His son gave you the Holy Spirit so we can always have God with us.

Remember Love is Patient, Love is Kind……

The intimidation of fear.
faith/fear

All Bark and No Bite

What a great day I’m having today. I took the babies out for a walk this morning and they loved it. I started out with apprehension because all I could think was “Oh boy, this is going to be hot, take a while and the babies are going to get pretty cranky.” But, I enjoyed every second of it. I found peace that I’ve been searching for, for 3 years now. It was so refreshing and invigorating to feel myself just fall into the arms of Jesus throughout that walk. It was like my mind finally agreed with my heart and just knew

“Everything will be okay.”

Fear is ALL BARK AND NO BITE

Fear has this way of backing you into a corner and telling you what to do. Fear is an intimidation tactic used since the beginning of time by the devil to get you to do what he wants you to do. Which is to stay locked inside your mind hidden behind imaginary prison doors his lies have built for you.  He whips you into submission by making you believe you’re really afraid and that God is not going to save you.

KJV

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will FLEE from you.

Give yourself to the Lord wholeheartedly and the devil will have to run from you! 

Submit

When you finally make the decision to lay down your life to God new things will begin to happen. God will create in you a new life with a new purpose. A new heart with new desires. So much so you won’t be able to even stand it. Your heart will ache for it. You will hunger and thirst after those desires and for God. You will long for them in a way that you’ve never longed for anything. You will find new joy in things you never thought you would. Behold the old is gone and the new has come by way of Jesus! 

But don’t think that because you have given your life to God that now you are untouchable. Most Christians especially new Christians take on the belief somehow that they will no longer be a target. That’s the wrong way to think. The devil will try to throw darts at you. He will use all the old tactics to get you to fall into the old way of thinking. This is so he can bring you back into bondage and hold you captive under a false pretense. 

FLEE

I know for sometime I thought once I became a child of Gods the devil would have to flee from me. I never realized that I would be fighting daily to keep my citizenship with Heaven. Sometimes we have to submit to God 100 times a day. Turn away from the things were doing and get straightened back out. There are times we fall back into our old ways of thinking or actions and we have to repent of those sins and turn back to God in order for the devil to flee from us. The longer we hold onto those old ways the harder it becomes to return to Jesus again because we begin to think God isn’t helping us. Or He’s punishing us. These are all lies and ways the devil uses to hold us captive. 

The moment you bow your heart before the throne of God the devil has to flee from you! He can not stay where God is. He doesn’t want anything to do with God and to be honest, he’s completely terrified of God! So he will only come around those who allow him to continue to damage them using their past, present and fear of their own future. It’s up to us to turn around and start walking to God again! 

If the Son therefore shall make you FREE, ye shall be FREE indeed.

No more chains. No more bondage or slavery to fear, anxiety or depression. Can you imagine waking up one morning and actually not having to take that medication because you’ve found that Jesus has supplied all your needs! 

I guess what I’m trying to say, is simply this. Jesus has done all that He needs to do. He lived for 33 years on this earth. He’s walked through and over every mountain presented to you in this life. On the night of His arrest He cried tears of Blood asking for this cup to pass from Him because he was in extreme fear. He knows exactly how you feel. At the end, He submitted to His fathers Will and that’s where the devil had to flee. He couldn’t do anymore damage, Jesus had won the battle. Once you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior you are free from these shackles wrapped around your neck. You are free to dream and love and see new and exciting things. It’s okay to laugh and it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to live and enjoy the life that Jesus died to give you. He loves you so much.  He desires for you to come to Him and let Him break that yoke of bondage strapped around your neck and replace it with His yoke.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

pexels-photo-256546.jpeg