Depression, faith/fear

Severing Ties and practicing Perception verses Faith and what that does to your mental health.

Ironically, the hardest thing anyone can do is sever the ties that inadvertently destroy us from within. So much of what we know is what we’ve grown up with and what’s happened to us. It’s not from sitting in a class room doing material work learning how to cross our T’s and dot our I’s. These things make us intelligent obviously and help us navigate our way through a working world. But what about our personal lives? What about the moments we spend in silence with just ourselves ruminating over the conversation we just had with our boss? So much of who we are is made up by our perception of our circumstances and the things we’ve encountered in this life.


Isn’t it crazy how we live 95% of our lives off our own perception and encounters throughout our lives on this earth? We look at a situation and judge by the outward appearance of a person and their actions without ever getting to know their “Why”. We write them off as if they aren’t worth our time or our effort to consider maybe this person needs me more than they know. Or we walk through a trail or trauma by our own understanding and we keep falling down but we don’t understand why.

  • What are some areas of your life that you walk in your own understanding?

I get it, it’s not easy to let go and just give things to God. I know severing ties with people or jobs or personal things can be very difficult for some people to do. You’ve protected this area of your life for a very long time. So handing it over is much like handing over your child, there has to be trust there.


Because I went through something I thought was very traumatic and held onto it, it’s caused so much pain and grief in my life and in my marriage as well as my relationship with Jesus. Which is why I thought I’d write an article about this. Because if I’m going through something like this, then surely there are others out there who are doing or have done the same thing.

Walked in their own perception verses walking in faith

Maybe it’s time to let go and trust that God is who He says He is. I know everything around you may look bleak as if it’s never going to get any better. The walls feel like there closing in on you and the opportunities seem to be closing the doors on you. But look what holding on to your pain has done to your health. I’ll use my own for examples.

(Walking in) Fear-Anxiety-Depression:

  • The massive amounts of hair I lost. My hair fell out by the droves. The shower, when I got out, around the house. I was going bald, but it had nothing to do with genetics.
  • Pain in my neck and back constantly/daily. I would walk around constantly rubbing my neck. I had no idea the pain was coming from the constant stress of my thoughts.
  • A lump in my throat. This lump in my throat was my companion for almost a year. I would wake up and it was there, go to sleep and it was there. I was afraid to eat because I was affraid I would choke. It literally felt like I was holding a bowling ball in my throat at all times of the day. Which, only made my anxiety even worse.
  • The constant pressure on my head. Put a band on your head and walk around wearing it for a week. Wear it in the shower, to work, to bed, everywhere. Then take it off and even then I’m not sure you can understand the unrelenting feeling of your head feeling like it’s going to pop off at any second. This caused my anxiety to become even worse because I thought I blasphemed and now God was blocking me from being able to talk to him. Sounds unreasonable and crazy huh. Not the to the person walking through it when you are filled with fear that your about to lose or have already lost the only that ever held you together when the world kicked you around.
  • Pain in my joints. My ankle and heal still hurt to walk on till this day. My knees pop and I can’t sit a certain way or I’m limping for the next five minutes trying to get the pain to go away.
  • gastrointestinal problems-I’m just going to leave this one here and not get into the personal issues this caused me. Let’s just say, having a baby doesn’t compare. I should know, I’ve had four!
  • No sex drive. :{ DID SHE JUST SAY NO SEX DRIVE???? Yes ma’am/sir I did. Because I was so into what my problems were and feeling so anxious and scared constantly I had no sex drive.

This is not an exhaustive list of things that I’ve been walking through over the last few years. But, it does open your eyes a little to see that maybe you’re not the only one and just maybe someone else does understand. The point I’m also trying to make is walking by fear has its consequences and walking by faith has its perks.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

What has walking by fear done to my mental health. Above I listed the ways fear has taken its toll on me physically. Let’s talk mental!

Mentally it’s been hard trying to figure out how to navigate my way through the trenches. My mind became a breeding ground for unwanted and untreasured thoughts. Maybe that’s how you feel. Tell me some steps you’ve taken to pull yourself out? Because everyone’s pain is different, their way of escape is going to look different. Remember that on your trek back to the surface out of the pit you’re in. Don’t look at someone elses life and think “Why are they doing better than me?” Getting through your pain and to the point where you feel like you can trust God again is going to take time. He has many layers to unravel within you and sometimes, God just get’s straight to the point. Let His process be what it is because He really does know what’s best for you! Don’t let the pain of what you’re going through cause you to judge God by what you think He’s not doing.

The devil uses your pain to cause strongholds to be built up in your mind. YOU CAN NOT TEAR THESE DOWN BY YOURSELF. It takes the power of God to tear down a stronghold. But there’s a catch! YOU HAVE TO LET HIM.

To sum this up, living by your own understanding can cause you to walk right out of the blessings God has for you. It causes you to hold onto pain and resentment. Sometimes those of us who suffer with depression and anxiety live to die and die to live. Because we live by our fears instead of by our faith in who we first trusted and loved. So my advice.


Go back to your first love. Go back to remembering how you loved Him and the way He loves you. God back to when you first met and when He first called you into His loving arms. Remember that embrace. Remember that love. Remember that protection. Remember that He NEVER changes and He still loves you today the same way He did before you fell into the pit!

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS.


We can sit and dwell on the things going wrong. All that does is release cortisol into our body and stops serotonin from doing what God created it to do! We can let our pain drive us into the arms of despair and embrace the less than life. Or, we can realize that pain is just apart of life and loss is going to happen and just embrace the truth of who God is. That no matter what happens, He always turns it around for our good!

God Bless y’all!


The intimidation of fear.

All Bark and No Bite

What a great day I’m having today. I took the babies out for a walk this morning and they loved it. I started out with apprehension because all I could think was “Oh boy, this is going to be hot, take a while and the babies are going to get pretty cranky.” But, I enjoyed every second of it. I found peace that I’ve been searching for, for 3 years now. It was so refreshing and invigorating to feel myself just fall into the arms of Jesus throughout that walk. It was like my mind finally agreed with my heart and just knew

“Everything will be okay.”


Fear has this way of backing you into a corner and telling you what to do. Fear is an intimidation tactic used since the beginning of time by the devil to get you to do what he wants you to do. Which is to stay locked inside your mind hidden behind imaginary prison doors his lies have built for you.  He whips you into submission by making you believe you’re really afraid and that God is not going to save you.


Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will FLEE from you.

Give yourself to the Lord wholeheartedly and the devil will have to run from you! 


When you finally make the decision to lay down your life to God new things will begin to happen. God will create in you a new life with a new purpose. A new heart with new desires. So much so you won’t be able to even stand it. Your heart will ache for it. You will hunger and thirst after those desires and for God. You will long for them in a way that you’ve never longed for anything. You will find new joy in things you never thought you would. Behold the old is gone and the new has come by way of Jesus! 

But don’t think that because you have given your life to God that now you are untouchable. Most Christians especially new Christians take on the belief somehow that they will no longer be a target. That’s the wrong way to think. The devil will try to throw darts at you. He will use all the old tactics to get you to fall into the old way of thinking. This is so he can bring you back into bondage and hold you captive under a false pretense. 


I know for sometime I thought once I became a child of Gods the devil would have to flee from me. I never realized that I would be fighting daily to keep my citizenship with Heaven. Sometimes we have to submit to God 100 times a day. Turn away from the things were doing and get straightened back out. There are times we fall back into our old ways of thinking or actions and we have to repent of those sins and turn back to God in order for the devil to flee from us. The longer we hold onto those old ways the harder it becomes to return to Jesus again because we begin to think God isn’t helping us. Or He’s punishing us. These are all lies and ways the devil uses to hold us captive. 

The moment you bow your heart before the throne of God the devil has to flee from you! He can not stay where God is. He doesn’t want anything to do with God and to be honest, he’s completely terrified of God! So he will only come around those who allow him to continue to damage them using their past, present and fear of their own future. It’s up to us to turn around and start walking to God again! 

If the Son therefore shall make you FREE, ye shall be FREE indeed.

No more chains. No more bondage or slavery to fear, anxiety or depression. Can you imagine waking up one morning and actually not having to take that medication because you’ve found that Jesus has supplied all your needs! 

I guess what I’m trying to say, is simply this. Jesus has done all that He needs to do. He lived for 33 years on this earth. He’s walked through and over every mountain presented to you in this life. On the night of His arrest He cried tears of Blood asking for this cup to pass from Him because he was in extreme fear. He knows exactly how you feel. At the end, He submitted to His fathers Will and that’s where the devil had to flee. He couldn’t do anymore damage, Jesus had won the battle. Once you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior you are free from these shackles wrapped around your neck. You are free to dream and love and see new and exciting things. It’s okay to laugh and it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to live and enjoy the life that Jesus died to give you. He loves you so much.  He desires for you to come to Him and let Him break that yoke of bondage strapped around your neck and replace it with His yoke.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

faith/fear, Uncategorized


Psalm 139:13

For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mothers womb.


How many times have you asked yourself this question? How many times have you broke down without any idea of where your going and what your suppose to be doing in life? How long have you struggled with your Identity? Let me tell you, for the last few years my Identity has been the only thing on my mind. Who am I? What did God create me for? What am I suppose to do for the kingdom of God?

Can I just tell you, I suffer from Anxiety. It takes form in different ways to try and take over my life. I can remember a time when I was unable to leave my house. For six months the closest I came to being outside, was in my garage. That was a very sad time in my life. I thought it was going to break me. I was constantly thinking down on myself. Feeling like everyone was looking at me as if I was crazy or weak. I felt weak. I felt lost. I didn’t understand how this happened? I almost settled into this mindset of “Well, I guess this will be my life.” Then one day, I got up, got dressed and decided “Today, I’m conquering this. Today, I’m going to head down a different path.” It wasn’t easy. I had to wake up everyday with the decision that I was going to progress and know that in the end I would win. You could say, I made up my mind! There were days that would come that would make it especially hard for me to make that decision. In the form of a family member who just didn’t understand how I became afraid. They would try to intimidate me, pep talk me, put me down, run me over. They finally gave up. I’m very hard headed. I have to do things my own way at my own time.

I started small. I walked to the door and put my hand on the door knob. Panic filled me. Even though I wasn’t even close to going outside. My heart began to race. My palms got sweaty. My thoughts were racing 100 miles a minute. I sent my brain into overload with the decision I was about to make. I was trying my very best to trust God. As fear was knocking on my door, my heart was crying out for God to take it. I closed my eyes and I submitted that moment to God. I wasn’t able to turn the entire fear over to Him. But I was able to submit that moment of fear to Him. Little by little that mountain began to fall down. It started to crumble beneath my feet. Each moment that I surrendered to God, He took a little more of that fear away. One day I opened the door and just shut it back. I did that quite a few times before I got the nerve to actually step outside. Can I just tell you, when I finally stepped outside it was nothing like I thought it was going to be. Though I was scared, the joy of standing there with the sun wrapped around my face and the cool fall breeze was something off of a beautiful love story. (I so wish I could pick my life background music, “Eye of the Tiger”) While fear was present and trying so very hard to suck me back in, it just wasn’t possible. The feeling of freedom felt to good.

I want you to know that sometimes were just not able to surrender it all to God all at once. For some people, they can and that’s a beautiful thing. But for others, it takes time to be healed. It takes Gods grace and His faithfulness to show us “Hey, I’m not moving. I’m in this for the long haul. I know your scared. I’ve got you. Just start letting go.” Sometimes all you have to do, is surrender that moment to God. That moment is all it takes to move mountains. To split waters. To turn water into wine. To heal the blind and so on. Those small moments we hand over to God in submission He makes sure He makes good use of that time with Him. In those moments God is filling your heart with more treasure than you can ever imagine. Those are the moments where you finally understand “Peace that surpasses all understanding.”

Fear has a way of taking who we are and shaping it into who it wants us to be. Fear is a dictator. Fear is relentless. Fear is torment. Fear is a lot of things. But fear, is not you.

God did not create you to fear.


  • You are justified through Grace, (Romans 3:24)
  • You are loved (John 3:16)
  • You are united with God through the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:17)
  • You are a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17)
  • You are the work of His hands (Ephesians 2:10)
  • You are 100% forgiven (1 John 1:9)
  • You are spiritually alive (Ephesians 2:5)
  • You are a citizen of Heaven (Philippians 3:20)

And the list goes on and on! You are many things to God. You are chosen and loved. You are His heart walking around here on earth. Let God show you who you are through His spirit inside you! I know through life, circumstances have shaped the way you think and feel about God, about fear, about “the cards you’ve been dealt”. I know fear has a way of making you really believe what it’s saying. It’s deceitful like that. It can steal your joy, your peace, your love, your desires and your passions. It can make your dreams feel like a thing of the past while it steals every part of your present.

But the Joy of the Lord is your strength. Though everything may come crumbling down on you, keep looking up. Never look away or get distracted. Those are just hurdles that you were never meant to jump without the Power of God inside you pushing you forward.

The hardest part about facing fear, is getting still. When you are naturally a melancholic person you tend to naturally think downward thoughts. Your genetically, fearfully and wonderfully made this way. But, there is beauty in those melancholic moments. When God leans down from on High and lifts you out, words can’t describe it. Getting still, getting quite and just listening and waiting patiently for God to just be there, is hard. You are flooded with emotions and feelings that you can’t pin down and turn them away. Your trying to lead those thoughts into captivity, but every time you do another one comes along that seems to justify the first thought. The devil is great at making you confused. It’s his middle name. He’s out for one thing. Revenge. Don’t take it personally. He’s not after you. He’s after whose inside you. He’s angry that God kicked him out of Heaven. He’s doing everything he can to sabotage your relationship with God. Don’t let him.

Don’t let him take another thing from you. Don’t let him steal another second of your life and your walk with Jesus. Start regaining your ground. God gave you the power. God gave you a sound mind and God gave you Love. We all know what Love can do, Right! Love covers a multitude of sins. Love opens doors and restores relationships. Love brings closure and forgiveness. Love changes people. Love is one of the greatest gifts the Holy Spirit has ever given us. We Love, because He first Loved us. So He teaches us how to put that Love in motion.

Once you realize WHO you are in Jesus, your life will never be the same again. The way you think about things will change. The way you see things will change. You will begin to offer grace where you once held judgement. You will begin to let go of things instead of hanging onto what’s killing you. God tells you who you are to Him all throughout the bible. You just have to take the time to read it so He can talk to you through it.

Romans 10:17

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Faith is another word for Trust!

Faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something. Synonyms; trust, belief, confidence, conviction

These things are every thing the devil is trying to steal from you through intimidation. Fear is his means. Look for them. Recognize them and fight them with scripture and trust, belief, confidence and conviction! Stay true to what you believe and what you know is the Truth. God is with you. He promised to never leave you nor forsake you. If times are hard, ask God what you can learn from it or what He wants you to do out of it. Walk by faith through it. Don’t let fear overcome you and drown out what God has joined together inside you. You to himself through His Holy Spirit!