Depression, faith/fear

Severing Ties and practicing Perception verses Faith and what that does to your mental health.

Ironically, the hardest thing anyone can do is sever the ties that inadvertently destroy us from within. So much of what we know is what we’ve grown up with and what’s happened to us. It’s not from sitting in a class room doing material work learning how to cross our T’s and dot our I’s. These things make us intelligent obviously and help us navigate our way through a working world. But what about our personal lives? What about the moments we spend in silence with just ourselves ruminating over the conversation we just had with our boss? So much of who we are is made up by our perception of our circumstances and the things we’ve encountered in this life.

Perception:

Isn’t it crazy how we live 95% of our lives off our own perception and encounters throughout our lives on this earth? We look at a situation and judge by the outward appearance of a person and their actions without ever getting to know their “Why”. We write them off as if they aren’t worth our time or our effort to consider maybe this person needs me more than they know. Or we walk through a trail or trauma by our own understanding and we keep falling down but we don’t understand why.

  • What are some areas of your life that you walk in your own understanding?

I get it, it’s not easy to let go and just give things to God. I know severing ties with people or jobs or personal things can be very difficult for some people to do. You’ve protected this area of your life for a very long time. So handing it over is much like handing over your child, there has to be trust there.

TRUST

Because I went through something I thought was very traumatic and held onto it, it’s caused so much pain and grief in my life and in my marriage as well as my relationship with Jesus. Which is why I thought I’d write an article about this. Because if I’m going through something like this, then surely there are others out there who are doing or have done the same thing.

Walked in their own perception verses walking in faith

Maybe it’s time to let go and trust that God is who He says He is. I know everything around you may look bleak as if it’s never going to get any better. The walls feel like there closing in on you and the opportunities seem to be closing the doors on you. But look what holding on to your pain has done to your health. I’ll use my own for examples.

(Walking in) Fear-Anxiety-Depression:

  • The massive amounts of hair I lost. My hair fell out by the droves. The shower, when I got out, around the house. I was going bald, but it had nothing to do with genetics.
  • Pain in my neck and back constantly/daily. I would walk around constantly rubbing my neck. I had no idea the pain was coming from the constant stress of my thoughts.
  • A lump in my throat. This lump in my throat was my companion for almost a year. I would wake up and it was there, go to sleep and it was there. I was afraid to eat because I was affraid I would choke. It literally felt like I was holding a bowling ball in my throat at all times of the day. Which, only made my anxiety even worse.
  • The constant pressure on my head. Put a band on your head and walk around wearing it for a week. Wear it in the shower, to work, to bed, everywhere. Then take it off and even then I’m not sure you can understand the unrelenting feeling of your head feeling like it’s going to pop off at any second. This caused my anxiety to become even worse because I thought I blasphemed and now God was blocking me from being able to talk to him. Sounds unreasonable and crazy huh. Not the to the person walking through it when you are filled with fear that your about to lose or have already lost the only that ever held you together when the world kicked you around.
  • Pain in my joints. My ankle and heal still hurt to walk on till this day. My knees pop and I can’t sit a certain way or I’m limping for the next five minutes trying to get the pain to go away.
  • gastrointestinal problems-I’m just going to leave this one here and not get into the personal issues this caused me. Let’s just say, having a baby doesn’t compare. I should know, I’ve had four!
  • No sex drive. :{ DID SHE JUST SAY NO SEX DRIVE???? Yes ma’am/sir I did. Because I was so into what my problems were and feeling so anxious and scared constantly I had no sex drive.

This is not an exhaustive list of things that I’ve been walking through over the last few years. But, it does open your eyes a little to see that maybe you’re not the only one and just maybe someone else does understand. The point I’m also trying to make is walking by fear has its consequences and walking by faith has its perks.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

What has walking by fear done to my mental health. Above I listed the ways fear has taken its toll on me physically. Let’s talk mental!

Mentally it’s been hard trying to figure out how to navigate my way through the trenches. My mind became a breeding ground for unwanted and untreasured thoughts. Maybe that’s how you feel. Tell me some steps you’ve taken to pull yourself out? Because everyone’s pain is different, their way of escape is going to look different. Remember that on your trek back to the surface out of the pit you’re in. Don’t look at someone elses life and think “Why are they doing better than me?” Getting through your pain and to the point where you feel like you can trust God again is going to take time. He has many layers to unravel within you and sometimes, God just get’s straight to the point. Let His process be what it is because He really does know what’s best for you! Don’t let the pain of what you’re going through cause you to judge God by what you think He’s not doing.

The devil uses your pain to cause strongholds to be built up in your mind. YOU CAN NOT TEAR THESE DOWN BY YOURSELF. It takes the power of God to tear down a stronghold. But there’s a catch! YOU HAVE TO LET HIM.

To sum this up, living by your own understanding can cause you to walk right out of the blessings God has for you. It causes you to hold onto pain and resentment. Sometimes those of us who suffer with depression and anxiety live to die and die to live. Because we live by our fears instead of by our faith in who we first trusted and loved. So my advice.

GO BACK

Go back to your first love. Go back to remembering how you loved Him and the way He loves you. God back to when you first met and when He first called you into His loving arms. Remember that embrace. Remember that love. Remember that protection. Remember that He NEVER changes and He still loves you today the same way He did before you fell into the pit!

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS.

 

We can sit and dwell on the things going wrong. All that does is release cortisol into our body and stops serotonin from doing what God created it to do! We can let our pain drive us into the arms of despair and embrace the less than life. Or, we can realize that pain is just apart of life and loss is going to happen and just embrace the truth of who God is. That no matter what happens, He always turns it around for our good!

God Bless y’all!

 

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