Radiant Sun

The Abyss of Depression

For those who live within the limits of anxiety and depression it can send you into a bottomless pit and when it’s done with you, you beg for death. The walls are built with confusion, anger, resentment, discontented and discouragement. The abyss of depression can feel like nothing, but everything all at once. Your emotions become you in an instance and life can feel to hard to deal with. Your brain is on sensory overload and the pain, the sting of death is knocking at your door. All you have to do, is open it.

Death feels like the answer

Depression can make you feel worthless, numb and exhausted. Each day you wake up to the same story that plays over and over in your mind. Life will never get any better. You’ll never write that book. You’ll never travel to that place you’ve dreamed of. Happiness is just not in your cards. Lady luck, is just not your color. Thoughts of hopelessness send you into a one way thinking pattern. It’s to hard God, I can’t do this anymore. I want outThis isn’t what I signed up for when I gave my heart to you. What happened? Why have you let the sky cave in on me all of a sudden? Why are my prayers being hindered? Why have you left me here to live this way? Silence. The most devastating sound a Christian with anxiety can hear.

Death knocks at the door. “You know there’s a way to get out of this.” You ears perk although your soul shivers because you know that’s not the voice you should be listening to. But, you give way to it. You hear him out. “All can be finished and done. No more pain, no more anguish. No more loneliness. No more wondering.” These thoughts roll around in your head until you start to believe them. It’s the only hope you’ve been able to hold onto in years. The promise of no more. You contemplate how and when. Death presents itself with a beautiful picture. Your finally at rest. No more to worry about or care about. No more agonizing over the bills getting paid. No more hating yourself. No more feeling broken or lost. No more confusion about the purpose of your life. It’s done.


It’s not easy stepping from the darkness to the light. Especially when your walking out of bondage. Don’t think for one second that the devil isn’t going to fight you for the legal ground you gave him. So, when the day comes and your ready to make that decision to make Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior, just know you’re in for a fight. Jesus is and will always protect you. He will never leave you, nor forsake you! That’s a promise you can take to the Bank of God and cash in at any given moment and the funds will always be available.

Here’s the deal. Walking out of the abyss of depression or anxiety is going to take time. When I was knee-deep in the middle of my anxiety, when my body and mind were feeling it the most I got some amazing words of wisdom from my pastor! He said “You didn’t get there over night and you’re not getting out of it over night”. It took years to get you where you are. You didn’t wake up and stumble onto your anxiety.

What if I told you circumstances didn’t put you there, your perception did? 99% of everything we do is based on what we believe.  This isn’t to say you’re in control of what happens to you, but rather what happens inside you. It’s been a very long and hard road getting here for me and accepting this truth wasn’t easy. I am about as stubborn as it gets when I’ve got my mind made up on something. So taking accountability for accepting the anxiety when I didn’t have to, was not easy. And neither has walking out of it been.

Somehow, someway, something has happened to you and you’ve ended up here. God does not want you stuck here in this place. He does not want to see you restless, anxious and scared. He doesn’t like seeing His daughter/son upset and so broken. He desires for you to come to Him and trust in Him to be everything He promises He is!

  • Your Provider
  • Your leader
  • Your king
  • Your comfort
  • Your caregiver
  • Your reward
  • Your shepherd
  • Your restorer
  • Your hope
  • Your helper

The list of who God is can go on and on! You fill in the blanks of who God has been to you and who He is to you now! Remember back to the times when everything felt good and was good! When it wasn’t hard for you to breathe. Remember the times God blessed you and brought you out of a barren land, whatever that land was. A bad relationship. A broken home. Finances. Strongholds.

Faith is Believing even when the devil has his foot on your throat! Faith is sometimes tears falling down your face and bruised knees. Faith is sometimes pacing the floors at 3am going to war over your strongholds. Faith doesn’t look any certain way other than belief and love!

Perfect LOVE casts out FEAR

Perfect love! What does perfect love look like to you? For me, perfect love means I will always be able to approach Him. The door is never shut and what I’m feeling is never wrong. It means hard times may come but His protection is everlasting and His hugs never run out. Perfect love is trusting in who you love to be everything they promised you they would be. God promises to walk through the flames with you. He promises to take care of you and comfort you. He promises to hold you up when you have no strength left of your own. He promises to always make a way when it looks like there’s not. Perfect loving God just simply means, trusting God!

God bless y’all!






Anxiety ans the Church, Uncategorized

Anxiety and Christianity

There is a huge disapproval of anxiety and depression in the church these days. The stigma around it leaves people even more broken when they walk out the church doors than before they walked through them. They ask themselves questions like “Why do I feel this way if God loves me. Or maybe the pastors right, I just don’t have enough faith.” Telling someone they just don’t have enough faith can have devastating effects on them mentally even though you may mean no harm by it. When you tell someone something like that you are judging their heart and determining what their faith is. But shouldn’t we leave that to God? Shouldn’t we just be His hands and His feet to the people who need Him.

Jesus Said: Luke 19:10

For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.

If Jesus came to seek that which was lost, shouldn’t that be our main objective. Jesus never walked up and just judged, even though He had every right knowing their hearts. He always asked questions, evaluated the person’s heart and motives behind their intentions. He searched every area of them. Jesus didn’t have to do it this way. He is after all God. But what He did, was gave us a way to follow after Him. He left us with insurmountable information to follow and bring His sheep home.

Who can understand the depths of someones heart or know the motives behind them? Who can understand the stains on my pillow from tears I’ve cried over the anxiety and depression I feel. Begging God, please I just want to be closer to you. I just want to feel your presence. I’m not asking for millions. I’m not asking for anything this world has. I just want you. I can’t breathe without you, I can’t live without you. I need you to be my deliverer. I need you to just wrap your arms around me and shield me with your powerful love. But God, I can’t hear you. Where are you? Did I hurt you? Have I lost your promises forever? What did I do father? Oh God, please don’t leave me, I need you.

See, when God searched my heart, He saw that there was a lot more there than just being faithless. He saw the pain of being left. The pain of never being enough. He saw how much I wanted Him, but scared to death that I would do something to mess it up. He saw that as a child I was molested and how unworthy I feel to call Him mine. He saw that as a baby my father left me, found me unfit to be called his. So in my heart I hold all these fears and anxieties. My fears and my anxieties aren’t always because I don’t trust Him. There because I never feel worthy to be His.

What the church needs to realize is no one WANTS to suffer from depression. But thoughts of  despair, hopelessness, confusion, anger, resentment, hurt and fear are driven by depression and fueled by anxiety. They truly believe what they feel and think. People suffer from different types of anxiety. You have social anxiety, Generalized anxiety disorder, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), agoraphobia and many others. All begin with a thought and end with what you believe to be true.

But what if God strengthens us through our pain. What if God takes all of our heartaches, heart breaks, brokenness and confusion and one by one He begins to lift it from within us as He shows us Who He Really Is.

Many nights I myself have cried out before God over my depression and anxiety. Some days I wake up and I am fine. I feel like I can breathe and take on the day. Other days I feel as though the very life has been sucked right out of me and that God wants nothing to do with me in that present state of mind. Mental illness is a sickness and one not to be taken lightly. As you can see through history many have taken their lives over such and many more will until we do what God has called us to do.

Jesus Said: Mark 2:17

When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

Beloved, if you or someone you may know suffers from any kind of mental illness please seek help immediately. Though it may seem like you have it under control it can spiral very quickly. Life can throw many hurdles your way and its up to us to stand with a sober mind so we can finish the race set before us. God loves you more than you can possible understand. God did not create you to feel this way everyday or to doubt who you are or who He is for that matter. You are cherished, loved, desired, called worthy! You are a diamond that he’s shinning. You are His heart walking around. You are the apple of His eye and you are held in His right hand. You are His daughter/son and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you!