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The Abyss of Depression

For those who live within the limits of anxiety and depression it can send you into a bottomless pit and when it’s done with you, you beg for death. The walls are built with confusion, anger, resentment, discontented and discouragement. The abyss of depression can feel like nothing, but everything all at once. Your emotions become you in an instance and life can feel to hard to go on. Your brain is on sensory overload and the pain, the sting of death is knocking at your door. All you have to do, is open it.

Death feels like the answer

Depression can make you feel worthless, numb and exhausted. Each day you wake up to the same story that plays over and over in your mind. Life will never get any better. You’ll never write that book. You’ll never travel to that place you’ve dreamed of. Happiness is just not in your cards. Thoughts of hopelessness send you into a downward spiral falling into the darkness even more. Your thoughts begin to overcome you and you cry out to God.  It’s to hard God, I can’t do this anymore. I want outThis isn’t what I signed up for when I gave my heart to you. What happened? Why have you let the sky cave in on me all of a sudden? Why are my prayers being hindered? Why have you left me here to live this way? Silence. The most devastating sound a Christian can hear and even worse for one who suffers from anxiety.

Death knocks at the door. “You know there’s a way to get out of this.” Your ears perk although your soul shivers because you know that’s not the voice you should be listening to. You’re exhausted from the fight and you just want some peace and rest. So, you give way to it. You hear him out. “All can be finished and done. No more pain, no more anguish. No more loneliness. No more wondering.” These thoughts roll around in your head until you start to find worth listening to. It’s the only hope you’ve been able to hold onto in years. The promise of no more. You contemplate how and when. Death presents itself with a beautiful picture. Your finally at rest. No more to worry about or care about. No more agonizing over the bills getting paid. No more hating yourself. No more feeling broken or lost. No more confusion about the purpose of your life. No more feeling like you are going to come undone at any moment.

The LIGHT

It’s not easy stepping from the darkness to the light. Especially when your walking out of bondage. Don’t think for one second that the devil isn’t going to fight you for the legal ground you gave him. So, when the day comes and your ready to make that decision to make Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior, just know you’re in for a fight. Jesus is and will always protect you. He will never leave you, nor forsake you! That’s a promise you can take to the Bank of God and cash in at any given moment and the funds will always be available.

Here’s the deal. Walking out of the abyss of depression or anxiety is going to take time. When I was knee-deep in the middle of my anxiety, when my body and mind were feeling it the most, I got some amazing words of wisdom from my pastor! He said “You didn’t get there over night and you’re not getting out of it over night”. It took years to get you where you are. You didn’t wake up and stumble onto your anxiety or depression. Guess what, something happened, a thought, a moment, who knows. But either way when it first presented itself you pondered on the “What if’s” and that’s when the seed began to take root. Every time a moment presented itself for this fear to rear its ugly face and you feed it with worry and doubt’s about God, it grew stronger and stronger inside your mind until it wretch your heart when you first believed.

What you feed will grow

What if I told you circumstances didn’t put you there, your perception did? 97% of everything we do is based on what we believe. (I’m just guessing on the percentage here!)  This isn’t to say you’re in control of what happens to you, but rather what happens inside you. Fear is a bully and he likes to see you squirm, cry, pout and doubt God. He loves it. Every time you give into him, you’re feeding him. The same goes for every other emotion. When joy comes around and you feed joy, guess what, joy will grow.

It’s been a very long and hard road getting here. Accepting this truth, that I gave away legal ground wasn’t easy. I am about as stubborn as it gets when I’ve got my mind made up on something. So taking accountability for accepting the anxiety when I didn’t have to, was not easy. And neither has walking out of it been. I’ve had to fight tooth and toenail to come back from the hardest battle of my life. I’ve been to the other side of Hell and back and it wasn’t pretty. But, I can tell you with confidence, I am no longer afraid of the dark or the shadows that lurk there.

A little hope

Somehow, someway, something has happened to you and you’ve ended up here. God does not want you stuck here in this place. He does not want to see you restless, anxious and scared. He doesn’t like seeing His daughter/son upset and so broken. He desires for you to come to Him and trust in Him to be everything He promises He is! In case you’re having a hard time remembering what He promises to be to us I’ve listed a few below. Take some time and write out a list of how God has done each of these things for you in your life. When it wasn’t hard for you to breathe and the air felt light. Remember the times God blessed you and brought you out of a barren land, whatever that land was. A bad relationship. A broken home. Finances. Strongholds. No matter how great or small!

  • Your Provider
  • Your leader
  • Your king
  • Your comfort
  • Your caregiver
  • Your reward
  • Your shepherd
  • Your restorer
  • Your hope
  • Your helper
  • YOUR CONFIDENCE

The list of who God is can go on and on!

But Faith

Faith is Believing even when the devil has his foot on your throat! Faith is tears falling down your face with bruised knees . Faith is sometimes pacing the floors at 3am going to war over your strongholds. Faith doesn’t look any certain way other than belief and love!

silhouette of man touching woman against sunset sky
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Perfect LOVE casts out FEAR

 

 

 

 

 

 

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