Posted on Leave a comment

The Big Bully


Have you seen or known someone who walks into a room and does everything they can to make you as small as they possibly could so they could be exalted? I know people like that. They belittle you, walk on you, push you around, tear you down and try their best to rip you apart. Believe it or not, that’s not their main goal and it’s not them whose trying to tear you down. Would you believe me if I told you we have a real enemy out there. Someone whose ultimate goal is to see you fail in every way possible and he controls you by controlling your emotions. Those little thoughts you hear “Oh no that’s not gonna fly. Their not going to talk to me like that. I ain’t no punk. Your better than that.” You know the thoughts I’m talking about. Those thoughts taunt everyone.

People have this misconception that Christians are the exception to being attacked by the devil. I know I sure did. But over the course of three years, I’ve been attacked in every direction. I blamed God. I thought He wasn’t living up to His word to me. But that was wrong. It wasn’t until recently that I began to realize what was really happening.

When I was a little girl God prophisieded to me that I would lead my family to Christ. I was called to teach His word. I always felt the call. I knew the Lord was calling me for a special purpose. But, I never felt worthy enough to embrace that call. I loved the Lord. I was passionate about Him, though I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in this life. But because there was a call on my life the devil came running to tear me apart.

I’ll list a few examples:

When my mom was in labor with me, the elevator got stuck. My mother bless her heart, has babies in no time. The nurse was freaking out, my mom was freaking out. Thank God my grandma was there who was a pro by that time having babies. She had 12 babies all natural! So my grandma calms everyone down, get’s my mom’s breathing under control and finally the elevator get’s moving. I came very shortly after they got off the elevator.

When I was 11 I had a planter wart on my foot that had to be surgically removed. So my mom took me into the doctor and he said “No big deal, day surgery.” So back I go, all by myself. The doctor is sitting at the end of my bed. The anistecialogist say count backwards from 10. I began to count and while I was doing so I was looking at the doctor at the end of my table. He had the knives in his hand to begin cutting once I was asleep. But he was taking those knives and scraping them back and forth with this evil smile on his face while he was laughing. Now, to some that may be no big deal. But for an eleven year old. I can only begin to tell the repercustions that have followed because of that. The fears I’m still trying to conquer. That’s called bondage.

Soon after that surgery I was at my friends house and we were riding our bikes to our other friends house. At this time we lived in League City and we were crossing a very busy street. 518 in front of what used to be Bases.(The best hamburgers ever). We jumped off our bikes and began crossing the road. For some reason we didn’t cross together. She went one way I went another. Well, in the middle of the road in the turning lane a car hit me. I’ve never met the woman until this day. She hit me, backed up and then drove around me. She was going to leave me there and act like it didn’t happen. Thank God He put people there to help me. And thank God, all that happened was a broken leg. But that was just the beginning of my problems.

After that, things seem to calm down. In a way! The devil then started his schemes in other way. I would be in the middle of something and here would come a thought, it would go a little something like this.

“They don’t really like you.”

“You know there making fun of you behind your back.”

“No one listens to you. Your stupid and they are smarter than you, so why are you even trying, just give up.”

In those moments I would become melancholic. I would then start to think “Wow, maybe I should just give up. Just do what everyone else is doing. No one listens to me anyway. I’m not smart enough. I’m the youngest in my family. I don’t make good grades. I don’t play sports. I’m not involved in anything.”

I began to give up. But God would still lift me up somehow and I would still try. Though I made many mistakes.

On to the next….

While I was in labor with my 13 year old, my blood pressure dropped. I ended up dyeing on the table. This is probably one of the hardest things to describe. So please bare with me as I try to describe the single most amazing moment of my entire life. So, as I was saying, my blood pressure dropped and I opened my eyes. It was completely black. In the background, like behind a veil I could see the nurses and doctors. I could see my dad. But I wasn’t apart of that world. I was in the spirit world. All of sudden fear began to well up in me. I could feel two demons getting close to me. Coming up on my left side. I never looked that way. But I was scared because they were getting closer. Now, I was still in my hospital bed. I felt this tormenting feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was as if my stomach was being moved and shifted and being turned inside out. At that moment a bright light came bursting through. I squeezed my eyes shut. The light was so bright, it was light looking at the sun except with no pain. I look to my right and begin to unsquench my eyes and see Jesus. Well, there is a very distinct difference between fear of the Lord and fear of torment from the devil. Jesus stands there, with a door behind Him. There was one angel on His right with his back towards Him and the same with the angel on the left. There were people walking around in the back inside the door. Jesus never speaks to them. He just stands there. The two demons begin bowing down and backing up. Turning and running. But I remember the look on Jesus’ face. He just looked at them, “Like really. You actually are trying to mess with her.” I love it ya’ll. So while Jesus is giving them this big disapproval look my body quickly goes from fear to trembling. It’s a different kind of fear. Its the kind where you know the king of kings is standing in your presence. At that moment Jesus turns His attention to me! I couldn’t look at Him because I knew I was in the presence of holiness! Jesus puts up His right hand and says “Daughter, Be Still”. At that moment every fear in me left. Every pain. Every trepidation. The only thing left in me was a desire to be with Him. I tried as hard as I could to crawl out of that bed. As I was trying to lift myself from the bed, I was looking at Jesus saying “Jesus is that you. Jesus. Did you come to bring me home. Jesus please take me home. Please don’t leave me here!” All the while I’m trying as hard as I can to get up. But I couldn’t move my middle part of my body. Jesus wouldn’t allow it I’m guessing! As I was pleading with Him to go ahead and take me home, He was walking towards me. The closer He got the more love I felt! But it took Him getting close to me to feel that love! I look up and He’s standing right over top of me! He smiles and says “lay back”. I do as I’m told because, well, I’m in the presence of Jesus and He commands. But it’s not in a dictator way. It’s in the most loving way! In a way that you WANT to obey Him! He leans over me and I’m just looking at Him! He so beautiful! I felt so full in His presence! I didn’t need or want anything else! I just wanted Him! As He’s leaned down on top of me He says “It’s time” He puts one hand on my forehead and covering my eyes, kind-of. The other hand on my heart. He puts His mouth on my nose and breathes into me. Life giving breath. I raise from the bed back to being here. With a gasp of air and trying to get my senses about me, I say “It’s time”. There came my baby boy. All 6lbs 10oz of him. I’ll never forget that experience. I hold onto that moment as hard and as tight as I can because it can so easily be lost in this mess of my mind if I allow it to.

There’s another time I could tell you about. A time that was scary and turned my world inside out and upside down. Because I allowed it. God was there for me. He protected me. Loved me through as much as I allowed Him to. He sheltered me. He tried to talk to me. But I became so overwhelmed with fear that I couldn’t hear Him. I let all these lies take me over and almost crush me. Everyday I wake up and fight back. Some days are much better than others. Some days I wake up and I’ve got the devil on the run and some days I wake up and it feels like everything is going to collapse in on me. But breath by breath I’m still fighting. Fighting to surrender all these thoughts that were never mine to hold onto. Fighting to surrender my heart over to Jesus because I know He’s the only one who can take care of it. Everyday I’m fighting to remember that He is the first one and the only one in my life that can complete me and everything else is just a bonus.

I know it can get discouraging fighting fears and anxiety. Trust me. I know that walk all to well. We pray and seek God and His hand. We get angry when we feel like He doesn’t answer our prayers. But what if God is waiting on you to sacrafice those fears to Him. Offer them up and in place put on a shield of Faith that He will see you through them.

See the bully I’m talking about doesn’t have any remorse. He doesn’t care how much your suffering. He doesn’t care how many tears have fallen down your face. He doesn’t care that your tired. He’s completely content keeping you in confusion and leaving you exhausted to even praise because you’ve forgotten what your praising for. He’s out to destroy everything that you are. He wants to kill every dream every desire that God has placed in your heart. Because your faith in that dream or that desire is activation for God to move on your life and bring more people to the Kingdom of Heaven.

Your carrying a load God never intended or wanted you to carry. It breaks His heart to see you in such discontent. He cries out for you to just trust Him and allow Him to make things better. But as long as your walking in fear, your not walking in faith. The only way to please God is by faith. So today, even if it’s just a mustard seed. Trust God for something, about something. Give Him the chance to show you who He is what He’s about. He’s about healing you from the inside out. He’s about bringing you into Him and holding you close. He’s about sheltering you and loving you through the maddness of this world. He’s about taking care of you. Because my dear, you are His to love!

Start unraveling that fear through faith. Fix the heart of your eyes on Jesus. Search Him out. Get to know Him. Ask Him to help you get through this and then have the faith that He will. Start talking to Jesus about other things.

The devil loves it when you dwell on things that haven’t happened. He knows it’s tearing you apart and taking you further and further away from God.

But God is calling you back! He’s ready with open arms and He’s smiling at you. You are loved, cherished, adored, kept, protected, wanted, beautiful. You are His child and His love. His heart is for you. So take the time to get to know Gods heart and you’ll know when the devil is trying to push you around and knock you down. Then you will know how to stand against Him and have God on your side. Then the devil wont be able to do anything to you.


For God so LOVED the world that HE GAVE His only begotten son, so that whosoever believes in Him shall NOT PERISH but have EVERLASTING LIFE.

I want ya’ll to know something about this verse above. This verse applies to our lives now. Not just when we die and go to our final resting place. When it says “NOT PERISH” that means your mind wont go down into depression or anxiety or fear. Your spirit will live because your hope is in Him. You will have everlasting life. You will have peace, joy, love, Self control. God will spring a well in you and His spirit will the source of it all.

God Bless ya’ll. Stay strong and fight back!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.